Dependency – Be The Solution

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I’ve been lost

I’ve spent a lot of my life putting a lot of value into the opinions of others. More precisely, I’ve put a lot of value into what my significant other thinks about me.

That hasn’t been a recipe for success for me.

That pattern has devalued the pursuits in my life that I feel are important. I’ve put my self-esteem in the hands of someone who knows little about what I need. It’s left me in a constant state of fear.

Here’s quick test to see if you might be in a similar state of mind:

The last few months has put me in a position where change was required. It wasn’t pretty. In fact, it’s been quite a challenge.

The other side of that though, is that I can be myself, without the need for someone else to tell me that’s okay. That’s a better place to be.

There’s a very strange fact about this, that I wouldn’t have seen before:

Be The Solution

Talking about dependency does nothing to solve it. You can no more remove dependency from your life by talking about it, than you can remove cancer from your life by talking about it. I’ve tried discussing feelings with a lot of friends.

Most of those friends grew tired of my constant need to discuss feelings. What they were really tired of, was my seeking validation from them. What people are saying when they don’t want to talk about your feelings is: “Dude, only you can figure this out”.

I had an ex that use to tell me that. She’d tell me I needed to deal with my feelings by myself. I had a pretty big chip on my shoulder about it. It’s true though. Talking about feelings only validates how you currently are. If you’re going to do any changing, talking won’t do it.

“Do or do not, there is no try”. – Yoda

Similarly, regarding changing your feelings, you must do or do not, talking doesn’t do anything. I’d link a bunch of reference stuff here, but that really would take away from the point.

Just. Stop.

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