Denise makes a long point to highlight the efforts she, and most women, put forth in a family relationship. She also points out that despite the faults of her husband, he does things that she appreciates. As a married man myself, I can’t emphasize how much that last part goes a long way.

While much smarter people than I have written plenty on this, it bears repeating: Men and Women are different. There is no escaping that women excel at things men statistically do not, and vice versa. Embracing this difference is key to a successful relationship.

This speaks to the nature of any successful relationship – Empathy. While my wife does a number of things that drive me crazy, I get nowhere with her if I don’t first recognize why she’s being the way she is. She feels the way she does for a reason. Making the effort to understand is like opening the door before entering the house.

I bring this up, because while Denise mentions how her husband is still good to have around, the bulk of comments on her page suggest otherwise. Most comments on her page are women ranting about the worthlessness of their husbands. One even offers divorce as motivation. I take offense to this. While plenty of men could use a lesson in gumption, the majority of men I know do not

I don’t recall seeing anything detailing a typical married man’s frustrations. So, here’s a few things I’d answer these women with.

I’m a man, so I don’t multi-task well (as well pointed out by other posts). My day however, consists of quite a lot of that. I have to do plenty of that at work. When I get home, I have to do even more.

Switching between the demands of employees and employers, and the demands of a wife and twin kids is difficult. Quite often it highlights the inadequacies that I’m terrified define who I am. Reading the comments of these women hits me between the eyes: I am not enough, I am never enough, I have never been enough.

There are so many indirect assaults on the fears of male inadequacies in American culture it’s difficult to even start to complain about it. Between jokes about male sexual failures, the lack of efforts put forth in family life, and jokes about a husbands mechanical abilities. All of these common jokes in society only tell men one thing: You are not enough.

The way men respond (typically) to these messages, is withdrawal. If you’re wondering why your husband doesn’t help with certain things around the house, it’s likely because he doesn’t feel he’s doing it right. Think of the last time you were told how badly you were doing something. It didn’t encourage you to try harder, did it?

I’m sure there are plenty of similar messages our culture sends women. I think there’s quite a lot more documentation of those complaints though.

Ladies: If you want more from your men, encourage him. Berating him will get you nowhere.

I should have said a lot of things:

I should have told them about the guitar you bought for me when I turned 16. I should have told them how you drove with me to stores all over Palm Beach County all day looking for the right guitar, and the place that wouldn’t rip us off for it. I should have told them how you told me you were proud of me for knowing what I wanted, and not settling to get it right.

I should have told them how terrified I was to hear that you were dying of liver failure when I was 18. I should have told them how I spent my 18th birthday sitting at a restaurant bar eating a sandwich contemplating my life without you around in it. I should have told them that after you got back, you gave me a necklace for my 18th birthday, that I still wear. I should have told them how my kids love to play with that necklace when I hold them, and how one day I’ll give that necklace to them.

I should have told them about the years I spent working for your block company. I should have told them how it’s the work I’m most proud of in my life. I should have told them how the people I met while doing that work, have changed my world view more profoundly than most folks will ever have the opportunity to understand.

I should have told them about the time I didn’t show up for work on Saturday. I should have told them how you broke in my house, yelling at me to get my ass to work. I should have told them about the number of times you were incredibly tough on me, and how it’s shaped so much of who I am today.

I should have told them about the time you sunk a Lull up to it’s wheels. I should have told them about the times you would put a lit cigarette in someone’s pocket, or put a rubber snake next to one of the masons working, and how we would all laugh. I should have told them that your since of humor was amazing, and how it will be carried on long past your departure in this world.

I should have told them about when I graduated community college, how you came up to me (during the ceremony), to tell me how proud you were of me. I should have told them how much it meant to me.

I should have told them how much you meant to my mom. I should have told them that the 10 years you were together were some of the hardest, and best times of her life. I should have told them how much it meant to me that for so long, you were such a good part of her life.

I should have said a lot of things to those people sitting there today. But when I got up there, the enormity of your absence hit me like a cube of block. I love you like a father. That’s not to the deteriment of my dad (who is awesome), but to the testament of who you are. I’ll always consider you my dad, and I’ll miss you as much as I’ll miss anyone in my life. You are one of the greatest people I’ve ever encountered, and that’s what I should have said today.

• The Slumber Bear: One of the few calming things for babies is white noise. It’s the shhh noise we all know so well. A tip: Do it loudly. When babies are in the womb, the sound of water running by their ear is akin to white noise, and it’s reportedly as loud as a leaf blower. Another Tip: We took the bear skin off, and just use the noise making guts.
• Boppies: When the kids are little, they can’t hold their own head up. When it’s feeding time, you’ll either have to hold them yourself, or have something to hold them for you. That’s the idea behind the Boppy. It may look like a neck pillow for Big Foot, but it’ll give you a spare hand for that beer of yours.
• Probiotics: Babies typically don’t digest food well early on. This is one of the causes of colic kids. So, just like a wastewater treatment plant, you can help get the pipes working by introducing bacteria in your child’s diet. Some of you might sound appalled, but you’ve still got billions of E-Coli in your belly right now.
• Bouncy Seats: I don’t know why, but a bouncing baby is usually a happy one. If baby has eaten, and has a clean diaper, and is still crying, the bouncy seat should be your next plan of attack.
• Swing: Another great way to chill your baby out is to set them in a swing. The bouncy seats are a great way to soothe babies quick, but it still requires you to sit there and bounce them (we’ve yet to find the automatic bouncy seat).
• The Happiest Baby On The Block: The doctor behind this DVD is a bit odd, but his methods work 100%. I knew nothing about raising kids before watching this (the day before Mason and Charlotte were born). Within a couple hours of using the methods described, I was better at calming the kids than anyone else was. This DVD is definitely a must.

I’m sure there’s some stuff out there that some of you have come to rely on a bunch. I’d love to hear what everyone else is using to get by the hardest times. These days, with the help of the previously mentioned tools, things are a lot of fun.

I did my first ‘Fran‘ on Monday with 135. Apparently that was too much weight. My time came in at a whopping 27 minutes. That’s far too long. So, I’ll drop it to 95 next Monday and give it another shot.

I’m thinking a ‘Helen‘ is in order for Friday.

The whole concept of Crossfit is to work out harder than you think possible, using big motions and total exertion. I’ve been trying all of this out on my own, but pretty soon I think I’m gonna need to get to the Firebase for some teamwork.

First off, Mason and Charlotte are awesome. I can’t begin to put into words how much emotion pours out of me when I get to hold them. I held judgement on whether I would like them or not. After 17 days, I can say I genuinely love them.

Mostly …

So, the one thing that still feels like a rattlesnake biting my cheek; is the sound of babies crying. I don’t know how to describe the agony of hearing them cry, but after 17 days, I can say it’s not much better when they’re your own.

That gets me to everyone else:

The one thing I notice about most folks who interact with the kids, is that crying is only a minor inconvenience to them. I hear people saying how cute it is, while baby-talking to the screaming baby. When I mention how much the sound of them crying bothers me, I’m usually treated like an oddity. It’s like folks think I’m gonna get over it.

Imagine if I were to pinch you in the nipple with pliers, while telling you: “It’s fine. Why are you so upset”.

Other than the crying, the lack of sleep that entails having twins is especially brutal. I’m a big dude, so sleep isn’t something to joke about for me. I’ve lost 40 lbs since last July. At this rate, I’m going to be the size of my kids by next year.

Don’t get me wrong: I love my kids. When they’re happy, nothing feels better than to hold them and hang out with them. Every now and then, I have to hold one of them on my pillow with me to sleep. You just can’t imagine what it’s like to wake up with your daughter’s forehead on yours.

I guess the point of all of this, is that for most guys, babies are mostly hell. The screaming and the lack of sleep make you completely crazy. I walk down the street these days waiting for someone to look at me the wrong way. I could use the chance to let out some built up frustration on someone wearing a popped collar.

:/

We’ve done a bunch to the house to prepare. We’ve had the carpets cleaned, moved rooms around, and got the nursery setup. It’s been an interesting process. Anyways, here’s some pics of everything.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/corycollier/3870999911/in/set-72157622187046976/

Obviously, food should seem the larger priority. However, in recent times, when the world has seemed to stack the deck against me, beer seemed like the priority. Don’t get me wrong, beer is cool, and so are a number of other things that seemed like a priority before. However, if you’re against the ropes (metaphorically speaking), a beer isn’t going to help you: A hard right hook will.

I apologize for talking in seeming code here. The point is: when life seems impossible, creature comforts aren’t the answer to getting out of the situation, decisive action is. The problem with decisive action when life is tough, is it’s much harder to do. Moreover, action usually entails things that seem underneath you, or degrading. Make no mistake however, inaction degrades your circumstance more than digging ditches.

I’m a bit lucky about this realization. Melissa is pregnant, and my ability to provide for her is quite necessary. Many folks don’t find themselves in such a seemingly desperate, but overall enlightening situation.

I write this, because lately I’ve had the opportunity to realize that previous complacency was actually creating the situation I was unhappy with. It’s revealing, to say the least. But hopefully, someone will get something out of it.

There’s a huge catch in all of this though. Web developers are quite possibly the dumbest professionals on the earth. No other industry sees it’s standard salaries and income vary as much as the web development industry. Imagine trying to pick between one lawyer who charges $300 / hr, or one that charges $10 / hr. The cheaper one sounds enticing, but we all know you usually get what you pay for.

That’s the trouble with the web. Because so many developers are willing to provide services for next to nothing (for a variety of reasons), the entire industry suffers. There’s just not much consistency in what people expect to pay for professional web dev services.

And now, professional companies are starting to get into this mindset as well. As I’ve been trolling for steady jobs, I’ve seen tons of positions open for senior web developers that pay $15 to $20 / hr.

That’s an insultingly low rate to pay a senior web developer. The skillset and intelligence required to perform solid web development duties is typically on par with my own background in structural and civil engineering. This stuff is complicated, and $15  / hr isn’t reflective of the skill required to successfully create and implement a good web app.

So, what will likely happen, is good paying jobs will be more geo-centric to tech hubs throughout the country (New York, San Francisco, etc..), and the remaining web development work will be limited to implementations of the products that come out of those areas.

The variety that’s made the web so intriguing for years, will likely fade to a much more bland version of the web, filled with millions of cookie-cutter websites about uninteresting products and services.

It’s frustrating, because even some of my closest friends feel the need to undercut their services to get work. My own colleagues and buddies are helping to enforce the un-sustainability of our own careers.

We found out about Charlotte first. In technical terms, doctors are looking for Hamburgers and Hot-Dogs. So, the first thing was a hamburger.

The second was the Hot Dog.

So, I guess I’ll be playing with guns and barbies. It’s great news for Melissa and I.

When I was ten, I was institutionalized for insanity. It sounds more dramatic than it actually was. I claimed (falsely) that I’d tried to hang myself, and a psychiatrist responsibly decided to send me to an ‘South County’, an institution in the southern part of Palm Beach County.

The actual institutionalization was pretty educational. Most of the kids I was in there with, were really crazy folks. My roommate tried to kill his mother with a pair of scissors. When some of the long-term residents tried to bully me, one of the crazier residents beat most of them to near death. Within days, I was pleading to go home.

Luckily, I got my wish pretty quick. I spent a grand total of 3 days at ‘South County’. My parents came to visit me on the third day. After pleading to go home, I was released.

For years, I brushed the experience aside. I treated it as a footnote to the end of being in grammar school. But, lately, I wonder if perhaps I should consider it a little more …

Everyone in modernized society has likely felt some effect of the global economic recession of late. That recession has put people in difficult situations, some more than others.

Some folks, are quite able to handle the challenges they face. They perceive life with opportunity, and observe difficulties as mere alterations in their perception of reality. These people represent the best of what our societies have to offer. They are the standard, to which we should all strive.

Other folks, see the challenges they face, as a direct indictment of their character; the only possible result of their own failure. For these people, there are few solutions to the difficulties they face. Most of the solutions, involve a re-assessment of who they are. While this might seem obvious to the best of our societies, the not-so-best of our societies view the difficulties as improbable feats of futility. For those without the belief that they can successfully alter their behavioral patterns, change might sound enticing, but it doesn’t sound like something they can achieve on their own.

A smaller segment of the previously mentioned segment of society, will succumb to this pressure, and lose their sanity. It may sound dramatic, but for each one of us, there is some set of events that will stretch our capacity to absolve and cope, that we will lose our sense of reality. Some of us, will actually go insane from this recession.

I’ve said before, that I think this recession is being prolonged to further a national dependence on federal government. I still believe that the federal government should stay out of our lives, and not intervene in issues of personal despair. The question I still have though, is that for the rest of us: When do WE intervene?

It’s quite likely, if you’re reading this, you know someone who’s on the edge of their own sanity from the pressures they’re under right now. If you see this, and can recognize it, what can you do? Perhaps more importantly; what should you do?

The question is equivalent for the individual: If you know you’re going insane, what should you do to stop it? If your ability to decipher right from wrong, has some tangible decline, when should you stop waiting for someone to help you, and seek help for yourself?

I should make some footnote to the questions I’ve previously asked. Many of us will feel tremendous pressure, and be quite capable (and quite responsible) of finding a solution to their problems. This represents the largest portion of those feeling pressure in the current global recession.

But there are those who are not so capable …

The million dollar question is: Who is capable, and who is not?

I wish I knew.

I can only speak for myself. I can only make presumptions on what I feel, on what I’ve experienced, and what I believe.

Based on this: I believe, that I can fix what I see to be problems in my life. I believe, that I alone can resolve that which causes my family hardship. I believe, with all of my own conviction, that only I can create the reality that I live in. No one, even those with the greatest of intentions, can make my life what I want it to be. That is only my duty to myself, and to my family.

However, I was in the crazy house before …

I believe this argument, strikes at the foundation of what is considered to be left, and right wing philosophies of life. The most exteme  of these philosophies will argue for the justification of the state, vs. the justification of the individual.

The argument for the lack of personal repsonsibility is the argument for the strength of the state. The argument that opposes, argues for the strength of the individual. The de-facto result of these arguments, is the realization of the government we prescribe to.

Our cultures give us clues as to which way our societies lean. The argument for prosecuting people on the premise of what they might do to hurt people, indicates (quite clearly) which way the law will lean.

Keep in mind, I’m a conservative guy. I don’t believe in playing the role of victim. However, after a while of getting late notices on bills, overdraft notices from the bank, and  arguing at home about money, I almost couldn’t help but throw my hands up and pray for help.

That’s the catch.

I am not alone in this circumstance. Millions of Americans are going through the same problems right now. Actually, it’s probably millions more than were going through those issues just a year or two ago. Add to this equation a consistent message from nearly all national media outlets that these hardships are due to circumstances out of most folks control, and you have a recipe for national outrage at the injustice done upon it’s people.

This, is the recipe for Socialism.

A lot of you who know me, will undoubtedly roll your eyes right now. I’ve spoken about my concern of a larger federal government for a while now. However, look at the circumstances objectively. There are a few facts, that I dare anyone to rebut:

• More Americans are without work
• NBC, ABC, CBS, usually report stories about the greed of the wealthy, and it’s effect on people who ‘have less’
• The ‘Fed’ (a euphemism for the Federal Treasury) has begun printing paper dollars at a vastly increased rate, compared to two years ago (This is likely to lead to a high level of inflation – the increased value of goods, usually paired with a slower value of labor and wages)

These circumstances are likely to lead to more people doing with less, and more people believing that somehow our system of economics is flawed, and they should be compensated for their difficulties.

There will be a point when inflation reaches levels so high, that the vast majority of Americans will welcome national intervention to prevent further impoverishment of it’s citizens. This is similar, though not quite the same, as what happened in Russia in  1917, Germany in 1932, and China in 1949.

In all of these scenarios, people were presented with bogus options to solve their problems. Folks were told choose A or B, and usually B seemed completely out of the question. This forces people to embrace circumstances they usually would never tolerate.

Ask about the legitimacy of socialized medicine in 1998, and you’d likely get a lackluster response. Ask about it during the depth of a severe recession, and you’ll get a much more enthusiastic crowd.

So, here’s the real conspiracist in me: I think the hardships that people are going through right now, are being perpetuated to further an agenda that consolidates power to the federal government. Granted, DC doesn’t have the ability to outright create recessions, especially one like we’re in now. However, they do have the ability to hinder legitimate recovery from said recession.

By effectively nationalizing banks, nationalizing health care  (it’s on the way), and sending a lot of mixed messages to potential investors to business, the Federal government has created a sense of unease with the entrepreneurs and businesses that would have seen our economy back on it’s feet, much the same is they have for hundreds of years.

This prolonging of economic suffering, under the guise of helping, is no foolish trick. It is a way to entice the masses to believe the only hope they have for recovery is through the determination of a nationally strong central government. A government that will stop the corruption of the few, will save the dignity and prosperity of the many.

This is, by definition, a socialist argument.

But, I’d bet you didn’t think of that way, did you?

A disclaimer: I primarily use Mac OS X (Leopard). I love using Ubuntu, but it’s not where I get the bulk of my work done. So, here’s my Mac apps:

Coding:

Eclipse PDT. I write primarily in PHP, and there’s just no better app out there for big PHP development. Something to note about Eclipse though, don’t use more than what comes out of the box. Eclipse can be buggy as hell, so don’t add all the plugins you can find to it. Eclipse is for writing code, not for committing SVN updates. Remember that, and you’ll love Eclipse as much as me.
TextMate. After having said all of that, there’s some times when I want a text editor that’s light, and gets the code updated quickly. Eclipse is a memory beast, and if you’re strapped for RAM, you won’t be able to run Photoshop, Illustrator, AND Eclipse at the same time. For that reason, TextMate is awesome.
vim. Finally, the most lean of all editors is vi. I use vim, since it has a few extra things I really appreciate. The learning curve on vim is hell, but once you’re used to it you won’t look back.

Graphics:

Adobe CS 4. I’ve tried all of the substitutes out there. But none of them hold a candle to Adobe’s mismanaged, bloated, overpriced Creative Suite. Photoshop and Illustrator are indispensable tools if you’re doing web graphics (or any other graphics for that matter)

Communication:

Adium. I don’t know of an IM client that comes close to Adium. I can be logged into all of the social networks I use at one time, in one window, and it doesn’t cost me anything to do it. That beats the hell out of anything else out there. Hopefully, there will be some challenges to this in the future. But for now, this Mac-only app is the definitive way to do IM.
TweetDeck. Twitter is definitely mainstream these days. TweetDeck lets me create groups out of the people I follow, see replies to me (public and direct), search terms, and see whats trending on Twitter, all in the same window. That’s pretty awesome too. **NOTE** I’m starting to try out Seesmic, and it’s pretty good too. Both of these apps are built on Adobe’s AIR platform, so everyone can get a taste.
Apple Mail. This might seem a bit obvious, but I wanted to give Apple some credit here. Apple Mail is an awesome mail client that meets almost every need I have, out of the box. I use the WideMail app to give it just the right tweaking I need out of it.

Local Server Software:

MacPorts. I tend to need some esoteric stuff from my LAMP environment, so I use MacPorts as a package manager to customize the variables of my development environment to my liking. With MacPorts its usually a trivial issue to install Memcache, Apache, MySQL, PostgreSQL, PHP, etc.. I’ll usually even change the version of rsync and vim using the MacPorts package manager. If you don’t know about MacPorts, you’re definitely missing out.

Miscelaneous:

Quicksilver. Whenever I setup my Mac, Quicksilver is always the very first thing I install. Once you’ve got a mind for using the shortcuts in Quicksilver, you will never ever ever go back to the old school hunt-and-peck way of lanching apps, and performing tasks.
Visor. Another gem from Blacktree: Visor allows the terminal to always be quickly available to me, but also not intrude on the desktop. A lot of times, I don’t even change the default terminal theme (just change the font to Monaco 12pt Anti-Aliased).
Transmission. Transmission is the greatest bit-torrent application around. It’s light and gets to the point. Other apps try to push content and channels. Transmission just downloads the torrents. Awesome.

So, on my first day back home after SXSW, Melissa and I went to the doctor for an ultrasound. While, I thought I saw more than one baby initially, I figured I was crazy. I apparently wasn’t crazy. I can’t begin to describe the emotion when the nurse said (quite technically) “There are two babies”.

My heart started racing, Melissa’s hands got clammy, we were both saying ‘oh my god’ a lot. It’s kinda funny, ’cause I always wanted twins. The thought of getting the whole ‘baby’ thing out of the way definitely appeals to me. Melissa thinks I jinxed the whole thing. It’s especially surprising, since neither of us have twins in our family.

Well, here are some pictures of the awesomeness:

First, while I love people, I cannot hang out with anyone for very long. This isn’t to say that I don’t love my friends who I hung out with at SXSW. I have some amazing friends, who likely saw an uglier side of me in Texas. That’s a shame, and I cannot express my apologies to them enough.

Second, celebrity fawning is just as much of an issue in tech circles as it is anywhere else. The very things I despise about Hollywood culture are very prevalent in the Valley culture as well. Anyone that knows me, knows how I absolutely despise treating people as anything more than that.

A funny thing happened while I was there however.

I sat in one of the last talks of the conference. When it was over I got up to collect my stuff to leave. I noticed someone collecting themselves behind me. It was Matt Cutts. For those of you who don’t know who Matt Cutts is, he’s the head of Google’s web spam team. He’s directly responsible for helping ensure the links you click on Google’s search results are valid.

I was completely star struck.

Matt was awesome. He’s a very level-headed, clean, nice guy. He even gave me a few breath mints (maybe I needed them). He even uses a PC (whoa). After a few minutes of chatting about relevant search results in google, and keeping the results clean (when desired), he went on to talk to some other people.

The absence made me realize, that for as much as I hated people worshiping other people, I was doing it too. Matt Cutts represents a guy who does things that I admire, and hope to imitate. I suspect other people fawn over folks they feel the same about.

So, I’d like to publicly apologize for being rude to some folks on twitter, and (more importantly) to my friends who tolerated me at SXSW. I had a great time, and it was better because all of you who were with me. It just took me a while to realize it. To those of you who were there: I was a big bag of douche, and I appreciate your ability to let me figure it out myself.

I’d like to recap all of SXSW, but it’d take weeks for me to write it and days for you to read it. I’ll just go on a rant about some of the other folks I met while I was there (Besides the awe-inspiring super-duper Matt Cutts). I’m horrible at remembering names (and I was drunk a lot), so if I butcher your name, _please_ forgive me.

The first night, I went out on my own. I saw Ted, then went to a bar off 6th st. Later, I was able to hang out with the Blogsmith guys (Plus the always awesome Erik Hersman). Gavin, Mike, Krystoff, and Bill were all a blast to hang out with and share a few 7&7s with. We had Thai and saw a burlesque show at Emos. Some of those girls had more hair on their armpits than me.

The next night Eric, Ryan, (who I shared a hotel room with) and me hung out at Gingerman. Gingerman is a story by itself (it has Old Rasputin Stout on tap). While we were hanging out, we met some of the guys and girls from Agency Net. I’m from West Palm, which is about 35 miles north of Ft. Lauderdale, where Agency Net calls home. Nini was taking pictures and hanging out with Larissa, while Augustin, Chris, and I talked about comic books and Death Metal.

The same night, Ryan and I went to the official opening party (Eric went back to the hotel, sick), and met the rest of the Ushahidi guys. David, Teddy, Erik (Hersman, same as above), Jon, and Kofi were all at the party, and it was awesome to meet them. They are likely some of the coolest people I met the entire time was in Austin (sorry to everyone else, but those guys are pretty awesome). They (minus Kofi) did a panel talk on web apps in emerging markets. One of the things I’m most certain about right now, is how much I intend to get involved with Ushahidi. Awesome stuff.

On Sunday, Alex cued me in on a conservative meetup at Moonshine, ‘Right-By-Southwest’. The event was put on by by Patrick Ruffini, on behalf of Michael Williams. Some of the awesome folks I met: Pat, Ned, Joe, and Robbie were all awesome to talk to and hang with. Hearing Michael Williams talk about his experiences in the mis-named Texas Railway Authority was awesome. Some people exude a sense of awesome, and Mr. Williams is definitely one of those guys.

Somewhere in-between all this, I met some other folks. I don’t remember when, or how but I recall meeting Vladimir, Billy, Todd, and Seth.

Also in between all of this was BarCamp Miami. I definitely love a BarCamp, and this was definitely the craziest BarCamp I have ever seen. Eric, Erik, and Ryan presented (all in different rooms). Good times there. The were even handing out free burritos. I expected the burritos to suck (free, right), but they were freakin awesome.

Monday, we had the Florida Creatives meetup at Gingerman (that place is awesome). Erik, Alex, Eric, Mark, Ryan, Etan, and a few others (bad with names, sorry) all hung out for a few hours to continue the tradition we’ve kept for years now. It was good to have a little home nostalgia over a thousand miles away from home. I’d met Mark Jaquith before, but never had much chance to talk. It was cool to talk about some non-tech stuff with someone who I respect a bunch. I got too drunk that night, and punched a parking meter. While my hand is still bruised, I’ll bet that parking meter will think twice.

Tuesday was the final day of the conference. I met some cool guys from YNot, presenting on a panel about how to make money in the adult industry. The lessons were pretty typical actually. Meet people, build trust, don’t suck. Afterwards I went to the finale party. I don’t remember the name of the place, but I do recall it had a mechanical bull.

I saw Vishal there with a very pretty friend of his (whose name I do not recall). I met Vishal at FOWA, and he’s a pretty awesome guy. His friend was pushing PR for New Orleans. I mentioned she had work left to be done. She agreed, but had me swear I’d be an evangelist for New Orleans. So, here I am …

After that I hung with Teddy and Jon the rest of the night. I said it before, but those guys really are awesome.

The next day I came home. I was hungover (from drinking) and sick (from Ryan). My plane was delayed for hours. I’m pretty happy to be home, but I’m happier that I went to South By Southwest

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I’m still (and always will be) a huge fan of Florida Death Metal. However, Against Me is still a great band, and really proved to me their ability to stay grounded.

Watching the crowed at the show was probably as much fun as the show itself. It was all the die-hard fans jumping all over each other. I can’t explain the stink of body odor in that garage, but trust me, it was rough.

More importantly, I can’t describe how surreal it was to see a bunch of white kids, probably living with their parents in a suburb somewhere, all hanging out at a place that provides no security, in the middle of one of the supposedly more violent places in the state of Florida.

Great times

I filed for unemployment last week. Being a conservative guy, I can’t tell you how humbling a process that was for me. Politics aside, I do have a family to provide for. So, if President Obama is handing out money, I’ll take it until I can get stable cash flow back in the house.

I have a few opportunities though. Pretty quickly after being laid off, I picked up some work from Eric. The initial project has been a bit of a learning curve about each other, but I’m pretty excited to be working with him. He’s a super smart guy who’s been around long enough to spot bullshit in advance. With my penchant for security, that’s a great trait in a partner.

So now I’m able to wake up and go to bed on my own terms. This week was a bit different than most though, since I managed to get my ass over to FOWA Miami. So, on Monday I was scrambling to get my shit together in advance, and drove to Miami that night. Tuesday and Wednesday were a total crap-shoot. I was out of town, working on an odd traveler’s schedule. Anyways, I guess it’s a little early to make assumptions on how the day to day things will change. 

One of the cooler things to happen since I’ve been an independent contractor, was being approached to speak at Ignite Orlando (Thanks Gregg!). The ignite concept has been floated in Orlando for a while now, and I’m glad that Dan’s finally making it a reality. If you don’t know about Ignite, it’s definitely something worth checking out.

As cool as everything is, the one thing that still looms heavy over me now is money. I guess it’s pretty obvious. Melissa and I have no savings and we hold a good amount of debt on credit cards. One slip up, and we’ll be in a whole lot of trouble. I think there’s a lot to be said about living within your means. Lately that’s come to have a lot more meaning than it did before.

While there was definitely a lot of good talks during FOWA, a few really stood out for me: Jason Fried, Joel Spolsky, and Gary Vaynerchuck. Since I was recently laid off, I’ve been looking for some guidance in how I’m going to approach working independently. The take away from those three speakers was: Don’t learn from failure, but success, eliminate distractions when working on code, and ‘Care’.

Jason Fried, founder of 37 signals and one of the creators of Ruby on Rails, spoke without slides to aid him. He spoke about business and startup strategy. One of the more impressive things he said, was that he never failed. He furthered the point stating he’s “tired of people talking about learning from failure”.  Another quote: “Does that mean you gotta fail a million times to figure out what works?”.

I’m not going to fail.

Joel Spolsky‘s speech could have easily been taken as a pitch to hire new developers. The extent to which his company makes developers feel comfortable, and strides to stay out of their way, is awesome. He talked at length about how developers do the most amazing work when they’re “in the zone”. Interrupting them only serves to keep them out of that zone, and limit the production that can be realized by them.

I’m not going to let stupid shit interrupt me when I’m working.

Gary V‘s speech was definitely the most enthralling of the event. That guy is definitely one of the most incredible people I have ever met. His speech was actually pretty short, but he took a lot of Q/A to fill the space. One attendee asked Gary something about marketing strategy. Gary’s response: “You wan’t a frickin marketing strategy? CARE”. He went on to talk about the number of existing marketing strategies that only serve to make a one time purchase / sale, and how damaging that is to a brand.

Gary Vaynerchuk at FOWA Miami 09 from DamianVoltes.com on Vimeo.

I will care about what I make and what I do.

So that’s the take away for me. I’m not going to fail or let myself get interrupted, but I’m sure as hell going to care about what I’m doing. I’m incredibly excited about everything that’s possible right now.

It’s probably already been said, but I can’t thank the people at Carsonified enough for putting on this show. I had an awesome time, and I really appreciate the effort it must have taken to pull it off.

I was laid off at Hydra Studio today. I kinda knew it was coming. This crazy economy definitely has a lot of people in some difficult positions lately. The process went pretty smoothly, and the separation is amicable.

I’ve been there for a little over 6 months. I’ve been a primary developer for 2 large projects. One was a social network for Christian organization, the other was a custom CMS for a Jewish organization. I’ve learned more about design patterns on top of design patterns then I care to talk about. I also learned more about Unix system administration in the last 6 months than any other time in my life. I live on command line now, which is very liberating.

I’ve worked with some awesome folks at Hydra. While I’m not dead, and neither is anyone else there, I’m still gonna miss the guys there. Team Zane is a character couple that definitely deserves mention. I’ll have to write about them soon, they’re pretty awesome. Of course Rob and Parler have been a huge part of my time at Hydra, and they won’t be forgotten.

It’s funny to be back as a freelancer after 6 months of working a normal job in downtown Orlando. Immediately after being laid off, I walked over to CoLab (which happens to be next door to my old employer, NFi Studios). Being back around a lot of folks I thought were in my past, has definitely reminded me how important it is to not shit where you sleep. It’s cool to be around friends that I’ve had for such a long time, that I haven’t seen in a while.

I’m picking up side work again. It’s funny how quickly I was able to land some temporary work. The feeling of freedom definitely helps ease the sense of grief. I put myself into my job. Melissa would be quick to confirm this. I only know how to work in one way, to complete emurse myself in it.

So, with great regret, I wave farewell to Hydra Studios. I wish them the best. It’s a shame it didn’t work out, but like I’ve said before; these things have a way of working themselves out.

The method for this, was a bait-and-switch bill disguised as a financial stimulus bill to help an ailing economy. The bill, the largest ever,  is the single largest takeover of government in American history. Unlike the military coups that were required to nationalize Venezuela, Cuba, or the former Soviet Union, the transfer of government type here has been completely accompished via stealth. Ask the average person on the street about what’s in the bill. You’re likely to get limited response.

There’s reason for that. Nobody actually knows the entirety of the bill. The particulars will take months to decipher. So, either this bill will not have the immediate impact that was championed as a reason for it’s immediate passage, or the bill will be employed with reckless abandon. Either way, it appears the American people got a raw deal.

During all of this, what news do the American people get? Likely, there will be news about the amazing fashion appeal the First Lady has, or how Republicans are hellbent on destroying the economy by opposing efforts to help people with federal aid. What irritates me most about current affairs, is how the story is consistently spun to provide positive light to those who wish to fundamentally alter the way our country works (or doesn’t).

There’s a reason government handouts don’t help anyone (including banks) : The government has zero ability to require responsibility to the folks that receive, well, welfare. The federal (or any other for that matter) government does not, nor should it ever have, the ability to monitor the responsibility of the people it’s employed by. To trust the government with your security, with your freedom, is to give up both.

Of course the irony about the sudden appeal of a strong executive branch, is how the same folks were appalled by the same scenario 6 months ago. Do not confuse the current president with the much more long term presence of government. Giving away freedoms to a ‘seemingly’ benevolent leader today ensures that some other leader, with much more sinister motives, will exploit that power later. By handing over this level of control to government, we have ensured at least some difficulty in re-establishing our right to be a free people.

The lesson from all of this : The American people are just as susceptable to manipulation by the lure of compelling leaders, as any other country in the world. There will be a day when people look back on our country and realize how we the people threw away the greatest of strengths we’d ever had. We will look back and remember what we lost. Then again, maybe we’ll be so fixed on a marionette, that we’ll never look back …

It’s funny how the finality of the situation hit me: the company websites wouldn’t respond. I guess that’s the tech in me. I only recognize failure in terms of server availability. I pinged their server, tried telnet on remote locations, and ran a plain ol’ web request. The lack of response fills me with more emotion than any of their websites ever did.

This company was the first company I ever worked for. I was 15, and spent the summer as a labor building an addition to my high-school. I worked for them again when I moved to North Carolina when I was 18. When I graduated college with a bachelors in Civil Engineering, I sent my resume to them. I got a good offer, and started right after graduation. I worked for them as a project manager for almost 3 years before leaving to go to NFi Studios.

The people at this company were (are) like family to me. I’ve known many of them for almost 20 years. To see everyone go their separate ways is awfully painful.
So, I’d like to thank everyone at O’Connor & Taylor for the years of learning, and the exceptional patience you had with me. I’m where I am in my life because of the opportunities that were provided to me be all of you. I hope everyone lands softly, and I hope to see all of you soon.