Cory Collier

I was driving home today from seeing my family for Thanksgiving, and I noticed a few things that are typical of drivers on the road after a big holiday. These are usually folks traveling because of the holidays, in distances they don’t normally travel. These distances seem to make even the most stalwart of motorists behave in the most deplorable ways. Because of this, I’ve come up with a few rules of the road.

• Always stay in the left lane. The left lane is the long term lane, and you should never leave it, no matter how fast someone passes you on the right.
• Use your cell phone, all of the time. The drive is a long one, and you might as well have something to pass the time.
• If someone tries to pass you, speed up to make it difficult for them. Hey, you wouldn’t let someone pass you in line at the store, would you?
• When passing cars on the right, slow down to pass. Nothing says safety like boxing the guy next to you in. When you slow down to pass, you’re saying, “I care”.
• Tailgate people in the right lane. Hey, if they’d listen to the first rule, they’d know the right lane is for passing. Geez.
• Stop to look at accidents far away from you. Hey, part of being safe, is stopping in the middle of traffic to make sure that family in the SUV is alright.
• Use a GPS device. Long gone are the days when you need to think for yourself (Obama did get elected). What you need, is to not think about the road, and let an electronic voice tell you where to turn.

That’s about it. If you can remember those rules of the road, you too can contribute to the slow demise of our society!