I’m sitting on my couch on a Sunday morning, pondering the meaning of happiness and success. I’ve been questioning a lot what that means to me lately. It’s pouring rain outside, which always make for a good time to reflect.
My 10 year high school reunion was this weekend. I didn’t go. I had originally planned to go, but when money was due, I was broke. It’s frustrating, since now, I’ve got cash falling out of my pockets. Another reason I didn’t go; everyone I still knew from high school said they weren’t going. Still, I can’t help but think what it would have been like to see everyone. Furthermore, I wonder if I’m trying to gauge my own success on where they are in life.
That gets me to where I’m at today. I should be enthralled about where I’m at in life right now. I have an amazing wife, a sweet dog, a good job, a new house, new TV, new computer, and a lot of opportunity going for me.
However, I can’t help but think of what I don’t have.
- I’m still a bit overweight.
- I’m not completely debt-free
- My sites don’t pull anywhere near the traffic of some friends of mine.
- Millions of other, far too personal reasons, why I don’t feel like ‘King Cory’
It’s all tricky, since I know thoughts of doubt, only bring on real examples to keep bringing more thoughts of doubt. It’s a viscous spiral of negativity that only serves to bring us down. I say ‘us’ here, because I know I’m not isolated in feeling this way.
So what’s the real reason for it all? I guess unrealistic metrics for happiness and success.
- I may stlll be a little overweight, but I do bench-press 315 regularly, and I’m far from fat. I’m comparing myself to ‘The Bachelor’, and I really should be smarter than that.
- I may not be completely debt-free, but I’m not starving, and nobody is coming to repossess anything of mine.
- My sites don’t have the same kind of traffic draw of some friends of mine, however, my sites do a lot better than plenty of other sites. My Alexa ranking is under the million mark, my technorati ranking is still higher than the vast majority of people I personally know, and I have a page rank of 4. Alex is always going to have more activity on his site than I do, I just have to accept that.
So the next question; why can’t I set realistic goals for myself, and be content with reaching those goals? I always find myself setting the bar so high, I never fully accomplish what I set out to do.
Here’s where I turn this around to the audience (assuming there is one, please see the previous stuff), why do any of us do this?
Is this the ‘evny’ thing? is this the ‘covet’ thing? Does this ever stop?
The truth: The world is a bastard of a place to live in. The more we allow ourselves to fail, the more we will. There’s only going to be a few places where you can really find empathy, friends and family. So it’s a good idea to keep them close. Those are the folk that get you back on track, when you can’t do it yourself. The alternative is to stay in the rut you’re in, and allow yourself to fall apart. It sounds pretty stark if you ask me.
I need to buy a suit. Maybe I can also go buy a better attitude.